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Bottle Unopener

March 1, 2016

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Brenda always drank her beers in twos, and I’ll tell you why. She had recently been given an androgynous bottle opener that bent like a flimsy spoon each time she used it. “Beer Bottle Opener” it clearly stated on both sides. She figured that she shouldn’t mess with the best of intentions, so she only used it to open bottles of beer. When it bent one way, she didn’t panic. She simply drank her beer, flipped the Beer Bottle Opener over and used the other side of it to crack the next one, and every time it bent the same amount, exactly fifteen degrees, so it always returned to straight. Just like her…

 

Then she’d grab it again to open another bottle of beer at some other time in her life, under some other set of circumstances, a new boyfriend probably, and a different hair color, and she didn’t even really like beer that much, but for some reason on that particular night beer sounded really good, so there she is with her unopened bottle of beer and her straight bottle opener, made for each other, sick romantic, trick pedantic, and she wouldn’t be able to remember which side the bottle opener had bent to the last time, but it didn’t matter because it could always be corrected by drinking another beer…

 

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