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Things That Might Be On a Syllabus For a Class On “How To Handle That Pesky Dangling Simon & Garfunkel Conversation”

January 12, 2016

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  1. One should, at all times and states of mind, possess a working knowledge of the complex personal and musical relationship between Simon & Garfunkel.

  2. Whilst observing item No. 1, one should not be smug nor competitive about their knowledge, but rather present such information in a sincere manner and in a meaningful context that invites others to engage in artistic and/or political dialogue.

  3. One should really have some idea of who wrote the songs (i.e. how many, in what proportion, percentage by logarithmic curve, and average standard deviation to three significant figures). This question will ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS come up in a Dangling Simon & Garfunkel Conversation!

  4. One should never attack Garfunkel’s aesthetic unless he attacks yours first, no matter how uncomfortable his looks and gestures might make other people, including Paul Simon.

  5. One should know the words to at least one complete Simon & Garfunkel song, which was undoubtedly written by Simon anyways, but one should be able to defend it as a Simon & Garfunkel song and be able to identify Garfunkel’s contribution, if any.

  6. One should know roughly their output as a pair in terms of albums, singles, hits, and years of activity together, as opposed to their output as solo artists, and be able to compare and contrast at least one example from each one’s solo work to their work as a pair, 500 words or less.

  7. Yes, Garfunkel is an odd-looking fellow, but that is acceptable in this case. He is easily imitable because of it, and we are all richer for that.

  8. One should know both of their first names, and one should absolutely never, ever mistake Paul Simon’s last name for his first name, especially given the popular nickname “Rhymin’ Simon”.

  9. One should know Simon and Garfunkel’s relative place in history, including country of origin, primary exports, GDP per capita, and how much each one of them can bench-press.

  10. One should be able to say something intelligent about their legendary 1981 Central Park Concert, and, as an extension, know at least one intelligent fact about Central Park in general.

  11. Learn to accept that Garfunkel will just about always be wearing some kind of vest. He is just a “vest kind of guy.”

 

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