Deliver on your promise. Open with puppies or daffodils and remember to close with a relevant bouquet. If you hear complaints about the coffee, provide a cause/effect scenario. Cause: Arabica beans “just gave up.” Cause: Starbucks mutant palate. Cause: World’s water supply reached passive Viagra saturation. Effect: Caffeine doesn’t do much these days. Effect: Employees cross the four-lane highway to access the startup Red Bull cart. Effect: Everything stands on end. Up has be

Dear All Weird Days, Have you ever received a love letter? Was is filled with romantic and flowery prose? Was it peppered with cliches and worn out words designed and used over centuries to invoke some sort of passionate response from the masses? Boring. Utterly boring. And so I turn to you at All Weird Days to help me. I want, no- I NEED a fucked up love letter! A letter to all those who don't subscribe to the traditional means of love and loving. Think Bukowski. Think o